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I continued to work during my chemo treatment. I went to my office one week every three weeks - I did this for myself and it really helped all the others that I was working with. But by the time I got to radiation I was completely "finished" and I took two months off just for myself. Settling back into work was good for me, some days very tiring but everyone was so good. I continue to be very open with anyone that has questions.

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Wow...this was a hard one for me! At the end of my treatment, I felt as though I were free falling with no support. I felt all kinds of emotions that I didn't allow myself to feel going through active treatment. I felt different. I was afraid of how to "reintegrate" into the workforce. Luckily, I found out that this is NORMAL! (Whew!!) And step by step made my way back out there. Put my life into perspective and created a "new normal" for myself.

What about you? I'd love to hear your thoughts/feelings....

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One of my friends made a comment to me at the end of chemo & rads, that upset me no end. I think many people who are supporting us feel this way...they see the "active" treatment at an end and think this is "over. I was quite upset, knew I still had a year of herceptin to complete and wondered "when will I get my life back?" and she told me that "the worst of this is over, you should be thankful and just get on with it." And yet..the worst isn't over. Every stage of this journey is it's own challenge and not one of them is any "easier" than the other.

I will finish herceptin by the end of April, beginning of May and that will mark the 2 year point for me from diagnosis. I thought I wouldn't see the end of 2005, let alone be finishing 2 years of this journey. I feel empowered and grateful.

But as I come to the end of the active role my caregivers have played in my life and it is time to resume "regular" life, I have found myself "stuck" at times. And a little hesitant. In some ways I am ready to take on risks...I faced down cancer, what could possible frighten me any more than that did??? But there are times whenI feel unsure of what to do next, how do I reintegrate...it's like life went on around me for 2 years and I was in "stop" mode.

A few months ago I was quite anxious about all of this but as the months have progressed and I have met some of the smaller challenges I have set for myself, I see that the growth is there. I didn't "stop" at all...I just went in a different direction from everyone else, and as I "merge" back into the traffic of life, I see that the experiences I have had in the last 2 years have been more beneficial and more rewarding than anything else I might have been doing. Life lessons are some of the best...it's all in how we interpret them.

I know I am still going to have up days and down days and the journey never ends, but it does get better and that gives me hope!!!

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I think we all can relate to those comments. You're quite right...we've just gone down a different road, and it's in that different direction that we will continue our path, for many of us stronger and more empowered than ever before.

I can relate to what you're saying as you near the end of active treatment...and it's in that moment I was truly at my worst... I hope you allow yourself and are able to allow yourself to review your thoughts and feelings before proceeding down your new chosen path....because nothing will be the same as it was...you have a paradym shift in your thinking....everything out there is the same ....but everything inside has changed.

I can tell that you are one strong lady! Keep well! Thanks for sharing!

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I am so very lucky, I work with an incredible group of people who have stood by me through 2 breast cancer diagnoses. These wonderful people have made sure that our office is "washed in pink", celebrate Breast Cancer Awareness month, participate in a Weekend to End Breast Cancer party and had the most awsome Survivor Markham for me last year.

I don't have a large family and my co-workers, both men and women, have been my support and main stay as I've been on this journey. They've cheered me on during the low points and celebrated each landmark date. I really don't know what I would have done without them.

I so please to see a new forum starting for Canadian women, so many will benefit from having access to information and support.

K8T

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